emo-ness within me .

i've been feeling kinda emo lately . some problems really made me sad .


firstly , i've received news this morning that my grandmother passed away .
it was around 11am when i jumped up of bed .
my parents rushed to malacca straight away
but they asked me to go back on tues with a relative ,
due to the fact that i had remedials almost everyday .
so therefore i will be skipping lessons for tues and wed .
i'm gonna miss a lot of things , seriously .
life's so unpredictable .
but for her we were already mentally prepared .
somehow she managed to survive from last year's Nov till March .
its surviving , not living .
my mum said she actually loved us a lot .
actually my grandma can go anytime .
but her will and determination to live was strong .
she was in pain and yet she endured till our holiday ,
which she believed we will all be free to go back .
yet , it was such a disappointment .
i really don't know what too :'{
things are always happening at the wrong time .

secondly ,
i answered back to mum rudely ytd in a moment of pique .
which i seriously didn't mean to !
although she never take it to heart nor scolded me
i still feel that i was in the wrong to scold her =/
it was because of some really frustrating things ,
that i am not able to sleep in my own bed and own room for the night .
my bed was occupied by my uncle and i am so so so angry lah !
never asked my permission then sleep !
and i still wondered if he showered or not , sigh . forget it .

thirdly ,
i wanna apologise to someone whom i have hurt unintentionally .
though that person may not be reading my blog ,
but i still wanna say a sorry . really very very sorry .
i can see that chances are given to me everytime ,
and promises are always broken by me .
i really don't know how and what to do :{
i know if i say a sorry straight to that person's face ,
that person will think i'm not sincere .
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.



well, no doubt i'm the source of trouble
cause of disharmony
manupulation of sadness among people involved .